Free the Oompa Loompa

Friends we must gather together now to save these noble savages from the exploitative chocolate baron - Willy Wonka! He has plucked these simple people from their native land with the promise of cocoa, uprooted centuries of tradition for his chocolate-y profits and sugarcoated it in unimaginative songs.

Where once the Oompa Loompas sang tribal songs in Loompaland, now they are forced into slavery, and worse, made to improvise awful songs fit to Wonka's chocolate crazed mind.

Why don't they rise up against Wonka, you ask? Look at them man! They barely reach up to your knee! Sure they've got the numbers but the chocolate kind has more snares in place – to keep them in place.

This choco-capitalist has not just bound them by stealing away from them their homes, nor yet by binding them with chains of cocoa. In fact, he's played the oldest trick ever – Divide and Conquer.

He has created a caste identity in the Loompas that never existed before, and made full use of it. So now there are red suited Loompas drilling and mining, while blue suits toil as Wonka's galley slaves. Yellow suits oversee the nut sorting while whites at the top of this chocolate chain are the researchers, the trained scientists.

And as milk chocolate and white chocolate are completely different, so too with the tribe of the Oompa Loompa.

Since the Oompa Loompas are not in a position to free themselves, we owe it to our collective conscience as a society to save them from this crazy chocolatier.

My solution is simple, and non-violent too. Cut off the money, take away his chocolate, and Wonka will have no choice left but to let the Oompa Loompas leave. All we do then, is boycott Wonka candies…

Say it with me brothers! Free the Loompa! No more chocolate! Set them free! Set them free!