Life lessons

Life can be lived according to five simple rules. And one complicated one.

1. Be more tolerant
The people around you are infinitely stupid. They will constantly amaze and impress you with new and creative displays of stupidity on a scale unsurpassed till now. And it will keep getting worse. Don't be nice to everyone without discrimination. But do not be cruel or harsh to fools either. They can not be blamed for what they are. Ignoring their stupidity and staying peaceful is far better for your blood pressure anyway.

2. Don't let yourself be pushed around
You will make friends with the people around you. And no matter how hard you try, you will end up making friends with some of the stupid ones too. Face it. Most of the people in the world are the stupid ones. And once you make friends with these people, they will be unreasonable, and they will try to be wilful. You do not deserve this. Because obviously, since you are reading this, you are one of the intelligent people in this world. A simple solution is to smile and nod, while humming your favourite song in your head. The world remains a better place with music, and without the words of the infinitely stupid.

3. Don't get angry
This might seem like a repeat of rule number one, but it isn't. That one tells you to be more tolerant, so long as you don't have to suffer fools. Rule number two is a direct spiritual successor to rule number one. That tells you not to let yourself be pushed around by the fools you end up suffering. And rule number three in turn derives from rule number two. Don't get angry when the fools try and push you around. Humming your favourite song isn't enough and can incite them further in some situations. In those situations, you will feel tempted to tell the fools to fuck off, but don't. That only escalates tensions, and probably won't do your blood pressure any good either. Hugs are a good solution in this situation. There is an added advantage in this, which is that if the hug doesn't work, you are already in position to knee the fool in the groin. In an entirely peaceful and tolerant manner.

4. Say thank you
Even though they are fools for the most part, most of the people in your life will do things that make your life easier or happier or a combination of both, which is a rare and wonderful thing. When they do these things without any expectations of a reward of any sort, it is a truly beautiful thing. It's easy to take them for granted, but saying thank you does not cost you anything. And it can bring a lot of joy to the world. This rule is particularly important when you're talking to your parents. You're probably going to outlast them. You might regret not saying thank you after they're gone. Most of them are fools who don't understand you. But they do love you.

5. Don't be so bloody insecure
You're surrounded by fools who make foolish demands on you, as the first three rules have made clear. At times, if you possess any self-reflexivity at all, you will wonder how any of your intelligent friends can stand you. Of course, it's unlikely that you have any intelligent friends at all, aside from me, but I suppose you could be wondering how I am able to stand you. But there's a reason that your friends like spending time with you. Considering that you read my blog, you're clearly an intelligent person. With a good sense of humor too. And hell, if you're €a repeat reader, we'll even toss in good human being. So clearly, the reason your friends spend time with you is because of you. So stop being so bloody insecure.

6. Smile
I said that one of the rules would be complicated didn't I? This is the hardest to explain, and the hardest to carry out. But smile as much and as often as you can. For one thing, it confuses the stupid majority. It can actually make some of them very uncomfortable. Which is a wonderful thing. And it can also make you a little happier. Which is more important than anything else.

This is probably the most self-indulgent (and sanctimonious) thing I've written in a very long time. I'm definitely not trying to entertain anyone. Three of you, at least, know why I have written this. I'm not telling the others right now, because I don't think I should. But all of you should know one thing. No matter how ridiculous these life lessons sound, I believe that they really work. This afternoon, I was feeling tense and worried about a number of things. Tonight, I'm feeling at peace after a long time. I have not felt this self-assured in ages. Who knows? Maybe if you relaxed and smiled a little you'd also like the world a bit more? And remember. After a while everything seems funny.