On Balls

No. Not those balls you perverts. Not those either. Can't you think of anything else? I'm talking about TT balls. There's a lot of variety in TT balls, which I'm sure most of you didn't know about. There's the fatter balls, and the smaller balls and the white ones and the orange ones and then there's the ones which come in blues and greens though thankfully there aren't any pink ones out there. Yet. As with most things in this world that are perfectly fine the way they are, there's a pretty good chance that someone will look at them and say, "You know, I bet we'd do a lot better if these were pink."

Witness the Moto V3i. It was a perfectly fine, and highly respectable phone. It was cutting edge cool. And then they made it pink. And what's with the pink fixation anyway? There's a girl I know. Wonderful person and all the rest of that. Constantly wears a pink top, which so help me god, makes her look like nothing other than a giant bloody cone of strawberry ice cream. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but really, does anyone want to look like an ice cream cone? I mean, all right, ice cream is nice, I like ice cream, don't get me wrong, but do you want to risk random strangers taking licks at you by accident?

In fact, some of the random strangers I know, they'd really love that. They could always say that they thought you were an ice cream cone. Then again, the kind of man who licks at other people's ice cream cones is a little suspect to me anyway, and one who licks at strange ice cream cones is just plain weird.

Then again, having ice cream in the winter is considered plain weird by some people I know. Though some of these same people wouldn't mind looking like a strawberry ice cream cone in the winter. But actually having that cone would be weird. Now am I the only one who finds that weird? Of course, there's no accounting for taste. Not that some people I know haven't tried. But the books always end up looking kind of fudged, which is probably because of all that ice cream everywhere. That's the problem with ice cream. It melts.

Now if you dress up as an ice cream cone, the good part is that you likely won't melt. Except in the summer, where it's still okay, because everybody melts in the summer. I swear there are times that I feel like all that's gonna be left on me on a hot summer's day is a pile of clothes and a melted puddle of bacon fat. Only it's not pork, so don't get all excited, because eating human is cannibalism.

Not that it'd bother another friend of mine, who goes around pretending to be a vegetarian. She's got the act down so well that she even looks like a vegetarian. Which is better than another friend of mine, who looks like a vegetarian and is one too. I mean, it's bad enough to look like one but to actually be one is really rather sad.

But that's still better than another friend of mine, whose socks have eyes. Poor things really. I mean, what sort of a view are they getting from over there. Knees! That's what they're looking at all the time chaps. They're right there on the floor and they've got tiny little button eyes. What else do you think they can see? And take it from someone who knows, the knee isn't all that exciting. Not that I know. But I'm sure that anyone who knows would agree with me.

In conclusion, TT balls have to be round and should be able to bounce, though if you fill one with sand (don't ask me how) then it would be good fun to throw at other people.